I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
