I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
