dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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