I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
