im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
