i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
