I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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