i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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