I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
