it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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