they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
