You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
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