I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize