My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
