Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
