i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
