whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
