So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
