i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
