Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
