it wasn't lemon gatorade
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm like, not good at living.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize