...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
