Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
