Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
