Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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