their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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