i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
