i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
