she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize