tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I enjoy the company of your penis
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