Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
