Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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