the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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