I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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