I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
