I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
