she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
