My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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