Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
