it was like his penis was on wheels.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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