i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize