its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
