doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
