There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The adults are the big ones right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
