I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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