1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
