I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
