i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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