We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
