Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
