So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
