all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
