dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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