My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
