Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
