He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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