My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
