The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
