She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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