I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
