If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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