we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize