Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
