So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize