very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A+ Viking dick
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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