Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
