Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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