So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
