he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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