fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
