I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Shame - the story of my life.
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