Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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