i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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