the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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