Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
