So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize