youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
